Not Enough Ink

Some rinky-dink revelation 

I can't explain 

There's not enough ink 

Again I blink 

Again I change 

Something just shifted 

A dying fire rekindled 

A ghost stepping through me 

It leaves; rejoins the mist 

but it left something with me 

Skin me with gentle scalpels 

and tell me what it is 

Why these withered secrets 

on lips that want a kiss 

Even my pen only harvests fractured bits 

Puzzle pieces scattered 

Kicked into corners 

Some beneath the rug 

All the rest disjointed 

All these things I think I know 

All these pages trying to excavate them

Maybe they're mine alone 

All inside 

All in codes 

Codes of honor ruling out codes of conduct 

There's not enough ink 

in this world or the next one 

Again I get a glimpse 

of clear reception that slips into static 

Again I taste fickle freedom 

Why can't I lose my baggage 

Drug me like the doctors have 

Tell me how I'm improving 

How I'm getting stronger from 

everything I'm losing 

I don't believe it anymore 

I swallow the pills my stomach wants to reject 

I itch 

I twitch 

My guts learn how to braid 

I think this medicine is all that afflicts me now 

I think I'm entitled to my depression 

I think somewhere in it 

someone chained up some secrets 

and I can't position the puzzle 

without access to those pieces